The Missing Fork

Cast:
Operator-Age 19, dressed in t-shirt and shorts
Painter/Ashley-Age 19, dressed in jeans splattered with paint, baggy shirt, and bandana around hair
Telephone Specialist-Age 26, dressed professionally (in a young-and-hip way), wavy hair, infectious smile, dashing sense of humor, good at waterskiing, and has a knack at remembering lame jokes

Scene: Heat Plant Office
Operator is sitting at a small desk with a phone on stage right. Has a lunch bag on the ground next to him containing a Tupperware container of spaghetti, an apple, and some cookies in a Ziploc bag. Telephone specialist at center stage facing audience typing on computer just offset to her left.

Lights up. Telephone Specialist is typing on her computer while the Operator is on a call.

Operator: I have that number and will transfer you now.
[Operator pauses]

Operator: You’re welcome!
[Operator punches in numbers on phone to transfer the caller and then hangs up the phone]

[Painter walks in from stage right]

Painter: Morning!
[Painter moves towards stage left and begins process of punching in to work]

Operator: Hi!
[Operator grabs for lunch and starts dumping out contents onto table]

Telephone Specialist: Hi Ashley, how are you?

Painter: Good, how are you?

Telephone Specialist: I am well, thank you.

[Operator lays out all pieces and dumps out bag to realize he doesn’t have a fork for the spaghetti in his Tupperware]
Operator: Dang it! I forgot a fork.

Operator: [While looking to the Phone Specialist] Do you have one?

Telephone Specialist: Sorry, I don’t.

Operator: Do you Ashley?

Painter: No. But why don’t you do what the other operators do?

Operator: What are you talking about?

[Painter punches in time card]

Painter: Some of the other operators just use [gestures toward the Phone Specialist] her ruler.
[Painter turns to put card away and start walking towards exit on stage left]

[Operator looks at Phone Specialist; is surprised and confused. Phone Specialist looks to the back of the painter; appalled]

[Painter holds up hand and nonchalantly waves goodbye while exiting stage left]

Painter: Well; see you later!

[Phone Specialist, still appalled, turns to make eye contact with the Operator. Then the Phone Specialist looks down at her desk]

[Phone Specialist slowly opens the desk drawer and painfully moves stuff around in drawer before pausing and slowly pulling out a ruler by a small edge with two of her fingers. She holds it up, stares at it, and makes a sickened face.]

Phone Specialist: Ew.

[lights out]

When I am

old* and retired* I am going to have two houses.
I am not going to be a snow bird or anything like that. The plan is to have a house on each side of the equator. That way I will have two summer houses and will fly between them for each of their respective summer seasons. My summer home north of the equator will hopefully be in Alaska. I am open for suggestions for my home south of the equator.

Or I will settle for living in a retirement community with all of my current friends and their spouses. I want every house on the block to be someone from my life and then we can spend our afternoons catching up and reminiscing about all of our good ol’ days. Let me know if you want in.