The Ride

I was riding a tandem bike, waiting for my sister and her fiancé to come and return it to the rental shop. I had not been on a bike in a long time. I think I took a ride on a friend’s bike last summer, just around the quad.
I remember a fall I had when I was nine or ten. We were on vacation in beach town called Cayucus. I was riding my bike down a gravel hill. It was steep with loose rocks. Not far down it, I lost control. I remember getting up, stiff with gravel in my hands, a bleeding knee, and an injured bike. I don’t remember exactly what was wrong. Bent handles? Wobbly wheel? I don’t remember. What I do remember was slowly walking my bike home in a strange town and bleeding.
The couple hadn’t arrived and I was tired of circling the little community where my sister lives. I had seen many people ride without hands, why not me? I tried a few times and wasn’t able to keep steady. I was able to do it for a few seconds, but not long enough to satisfy my personal quest. I tried again; the handle turned right quickly, the wheel followed, and I tried to correct the error. Too late. I fell. My left hand hit the road, my right knee took the support for the rest of my body, and I tumbled like a sock in the dryer to the ground. I figured I wasn’t too hurt, and started trying to convince myself of such. You’re okay. I looked at my hand. A little gravel stuck to my palm, but no damage. My knee: a little scratched, not bleeding. I wanted to get out of the road and as I picked up the bike I began to feel ill. My head started to thump to my heartbeat, my stomach began to churn, and my eyes started to play tricks on me. My mind kicked into emergency mode and started cooing positive thoughts to myself. You’ re doing fine. You didn’t fall that far or fast. Just get the bike to the sidewalk and lay down in the grass. I untangled the bike ruble, picked up my double seater, and pushed the bike toward the sidewalk. I gave a push and steered the bike for the gutter when my vision started to blur black on the edges. Okay. Mel. Calm down. You are fine. You are not hurt. Go lay down. The black spread; soon the dark was more than the light. I could see the curb through a small box opening. This spreading black haze is not new to me; it has happened a few times right before I have fainted. Mel, you are at the curb. Lean the bike against the sidewalk and lay down in the grass. I slowly let the bike down, and stayed low, plunging myself to the grass. I rolled onto my back and let my feet move to a comfortable position. I closed my eyes and let out a slow breath. I opened my eyes. My black fuzzy border had disappeared but I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. Melly. You are okay. You fell, you got up, and now you are on the grass. You are fine. I still felt sick and started to look around: grass and bushes. People were walking around, none acted like they saw me fall or asked if I was okay—for which I was relieved. You are okay. I am just going to just lay here for a minute. I still felt sick. If I throw up, where will I do it? You will not throw up, you are okay. Give yourself a minute. I looked around. I did not feel like crawling up to the bushes. I did want to throw up here; too many people live here, that is gross for everyone.Melanee, calm down. You are fine. I laid in the grass, still feeling ill. I was glad no one had seen me. See, you are fine. Just relax. I let my arms swing out wide while I paced a slow breath. I started to feel less ill. You’re good. I closed my eyes. The sickness I was feeling left me in slow waves. I started to feel fine. After a few minutes my ill feeling was gone but was replaced with confusion. Why did I get so sick? Does it really scare me that much?
Now, a few hours later, I am still surprised at my reaction to falling off a bike. I don’t have that reaction falling in sports, water skiing, or snow skiing--why on a bike? Maybe it was combined with something else that I can’t pinpoint. It was odd. I had fun on the bike—the weather was good, I was getting exercise, and I could get places quickly. This week I am going to go for another bike ride. I will not be scared of riding a bike.