School Days

All of my subbing this week was done at elementary schools. They require a lot of energy—especially the two days of PE—but I hear some funny things:
After a day of PE, I was walking into the school from the field during afternoon recess. The excitement of the day was the goat that had been grazing in one of the neighboring back yards, but clearly it was also a confusing sight for some of the suburban kids. As I entered the main doors, I heard a young kid, probably 2nd grade, rush a yard duty and say in an excited voice, “Teacher! By the fence is a dog with horns”!
The first graders were filling out a book about their moms for Mother’s Day. Here are some of my favorites:
When I am good, it makes my mom as happy as:
No School
My mom is as smart as:
ME!
My mom is as funny as:
1. a Dinosaur
2.a Black Jewish Clown
My favorite quote, however, came on the way to lunch. One particularly outgoing first grader was swinging his arms and flashed his charming smile to the kindergarteners while he chirped to them, “Next year you are going to be first graders like us”!
The little blonde kindergartener with the spiked hair and a backpack swiveling off his shoulders yelled his response back with a battle cry that could rally together a battle-worn army: “NO! WE’RE NEVER GOING TO BE FIRST GRADERS”!
My charismatic first grader kept smiling, fluttered his eyes, and continued on his way to lunch not correcting his younger friend but probably knowing that they would figure it out soon enough

An Angry Elf

Mel: You’re an angry elf
Kel: You cannot call someone an angry elf if they are taller than you!
Mel: So if there are two elves talking to each other and one is shorter than the other one, he can’t call the other one an elf?
Kel: No! Do I need to make this specific? You, Melanee, cannot call anyone taller than you an elf.